Quiet and Peace.

My sweet grandson trying to figure out how his new dump truck is made.

It’s 5am and I can’t sleep.

I’ve had a ton on my mind lately.

My son had to have very major surgery this summer and it’s been so hard to watch him suffer.

He’s handling it well and I believe he’s going to be fine, it’s just taken a lot longer than anyone expected. He’s had an amazing team of healthcare professionals. Seriously, there are some healthcare rock stars in our world. And his spirits are good. We are lucky and grateful.

My sister has been ill and has had surgery this summer too.

Her love of life continues to amaze me and her friends. And again, the care from her doctors has been stunning to witness.

My brother has Parkinson’s. And is dealing with the changes that has tossed him in his life.

His calm steadiness impresses the hell out of me.

But here’s a crazy kick in the pants.

I have found slso myself in physical pain. Something I’ve managed to dodge most of my life. My left shoulder hurts like the dickens. It’s nerve pain from a problem in my spine and my wonderful doctor (who is also my good friend) and I are working on a plan but in the meantime, it’s keeping me awake and honestly has me crying at the drop of a hat. If you come up behind me and say BOO, I’m likely to flood you with tears. So seriously, don’t do that.

Stress on top of stress I suppose.

They say you can get used to anything. And I suppose I’ve seen that at work in my life and the lives of my friends and family.

But I’m really struggling to get use to this pain in my shoulder. Which is such a sissy thing of me to say. Especially knowing what my son and sister and brother (and others among us) have been dealing with.

 It’s funny. I know I have less living in front of me than behind me. And there is a calmness to that in a way. But also, there’s a sense of urgency.

Anyone else feel that tension?

I was talking to the sweet man I love the other day and I said, “I meant to get a degree from Harvard. And win the Pulitzers prize.”

He simply said, “You better get cracking sweetie”.

Then I blurted the truth out loud to him, “Really all I want now is a quiet, peaceful life”.

There it was-- the truth was there all this time. No more striving hard. I just want to get very quiet and look for peaceful ways to spend my time. That is what I want now. Maybe it is all I’ve ever wanted.

When I sold my company, I thought I would struggle with what to do. And with having a sense of purpose and identity. But that didn’t happen. I took up writing and painting and got involved with some community things I care about. And I still do some branding work with my friends. I exercise a lot. Something I didn’t always make time for to be honest.

It’s been fun. 

And because I am so incredibly lucky... I found crazy big love late in life. I still get butterflies when he walks in a room.

Yet here I am pouting about a painful shoulder. I am pouting a lot.

So. In the effort of trying to turn this bad attitude around and focus on something else this morning I decided to think of all the things that really bring me comfort. And bring peace and quiet to my soul.

What you focus on expands, right?

 Okay, here is my list, let’s see if this helps.

1.     I have this heating pad that’s magic. There is nothing like the warmth of the sun (or a heating pad when the sun isn’t up) to bring you comfort.

2.     My grandson brings me so much comfort. Seeing the world through his fresh eyes has just been such a gift. He’s delighted by so many little things. He reminds me that a slow trip to the grocery or to get an ice cream or a new dump truck is sometimes absolute magic.

3.     The man I love. I won’t go into long mushy details about this because I’ve made a choice to be rather private when it come to my personal life, but having someone to share and witness this thing called life with is a gift. I never, ever take him for granted. He brings me laughter and adventure and comfort.

4.     My close friends. Man, I got on the luck bus when it comes to friends. I have so many strong and loving connections in my life. It makes me tear up just thinking of them all. I don’t mean surface friends; I mean “ride or die” people. Seriously, right now at 5:30am I could think of at least six, maybe ten people who would not bat an eye if I called them to talk. Oh. And I have recently reconnected with some childhood friends. What a surprise gift that has been this year. We’ve been sharing old memories and photos and joys and sorrows. And making a few plans to gather over the coming months. It’s good. Friends (and family who are also friends) are magic. If you don’t have enough, go looking for some more. Trust me, there’s someone out there who needs a friend, and you just might be it. Find them and never let them go.

5.     A simple, cozy home that is full of things I love. I am not a “thing” person. Things don’t impress me or bring me happiness. In fact, too much stuff makes me anxious. If you know, you know. But I do love a soft blanket, a fireplace on a cold day, a marathon Netflix session, a long soaking  warm bubble bath, art that we’ve collected over the years, our screened in porch during a rain storm or late at night, my little struggling garden, our bird feeders right outside the door, the way the water runs through the pipes of our 100 year old house when someone showers or flushes the toilet, my closet full of colorful clothes (and lots of white blouses), my mix matched plates that make setting a table more fun, my little coasters from Italy, my pjs, a ton of books that remind me that reading is comfort beyond measure.

Whew, that really worked or maybe it was the heading pad or the 1200 mg of Tylenol coursing through my veins. Because, well… I feel much, much better now.

If you’re reading this long ramble this morning, I hope it inspires you to make your own little list of comforting things. And know, I love you madly. This old world of ours needs all of us loving each other hard.

So be that love out in the world today. Comfort someone. And most of all give yourself permission to be comforted. I’m declaring this International Comfort Day. Okay, you with me? Let’s just stop our complaining and well, let’s do it.

With Joy, Robbin

Magic.

Oh how I love this little boy's smile. 

I love taking my 17-month-old grandson to the grocery store. He’s a natural born people person and when he’s at the grocery he waves and says “Hey” to everyone he meets, often multiple times as we go down the aisles.

It slows us a down a bit, but he doesn’t care. And to be honest, I love it too.

The other morning, I noticed there were many older people shopping. There’s a retirement home down the street, and I imagine they rode in together that morning. His little wave and “Hey” to each person delighted everyone he greeted. He seemed to be wildly overjoyed with seeing each person. One lady was in a wheelchair, and he thought that was just wonderful -- pointing and smiling and trying to get out to ride with her. She beamed. He even gave her a “beep beep” and she gave it right back.

When he passed his favorite food, Annie’s cheese crackers, he got so excited that I opened them and gave him a few handfuls as we rolled along. He offered to share them with every passerby.

What if we all were that kind to each other?

The man I love and live with is a people person. He often stops to chat with strangers. It makes my heart swell every time. I can honestly say I’ve never heard him speak ill of another person. Ever. Like my grandson, he seems to know in his heart that a smile and kindness and assuming the very best about others is sometimes just what our crazy world needs.

Its 6am on a Saturday morning. I’ve been struggling lately with a bit of shoulder pain from a little bit of early arthritis in my spine.

Who knew arthritis could be so painful?

I’m lucky in life. I’ve never really known physical pain (except for childbirth and a couple of kidney stones) but both of those pains were short lived. This is an ongoing thing, and it keeps me up at night sometimes. My doctor and I are working on a solution and I’m grateful for that. But until then I am not 100 percent myself. Exercising and walking and working in the yard has been harder. Even enjoying dinner with friends sitting in a hard restaurant chair for too long has even been tough.

But this pain has taught me something beautiful. Something I thought I already knew.

You never know what someone is going through. We really don’t.

So. Be kind. Look people in the eyes when they talk to you. Put your phone down. Open a door for someone. Smile often (a smile doesn’t cost a dime). Look at everyone through the lens of LOVE and compassion.

My grandson knows how to give love so freely because that’s all he has ever known. Try not to let the pains of your past or even your present take that ability to look at others through the lens of LOVE away from you.  

I’m a “change the world” kind of person. And I like to think my work in the world has made a positive impact. But lately I’ve begun to realize that changing the world often starts very small. Just the simple act of being kind, sharing a smile, opening a door, checking in on someone to see how they are, seeing the best in everyone, or really listening when someone talks to you can have a tremendous impact. Those small little actions really do change our world in a magical sort of way.

Happy Saturday morning. Be like my grandson. And let’s make this ordinary day… magical.

Greatness.

I do believe this little curious guy is “headed for greatness”. And yes, I’m his Nana.

The other night we were watching a documentary about JFK, Jr., and his wife Caroline.

Didn’t she have a lot of style and grace?

Over and over JFK’s friends and other important leaders said that he was a man “headed for greatness” before he and Caroline tragically died in a plane accident.

All week long I have been thinking about what makes a person great.

What makes us declare that someone is “headed for greatness”? Not everyone is born with the same level of intelligence. Not everyone is born into a family with connections to great role models or access to education. Not everyone is born with beauty and charisma. But perhaps we all can change the world by setting our standards a wee bit higher.

 This month has been a brutal one for me and my family. Lots to process and deal with. A ton of health issues -- I’ll spare you the details. Everyone will be fine and manage and “this too shall pass” but it has me going inward a bit. Reflecting on how I really want the rest of my life to look.

The brutal divisive landscape of our country’s politics has also made me sad to be honest. Even though I rarely choose to discuss politics with my friends, I might make an exception today.  

Forgive me and bear with me.

It’s been a lot to process on a very different level. I’m honestly considering not being a witness to the chaos in America this go around. Not sure what that will look like because I will vote, but I might not watch the news for a while. I might lovingly disengage. Perhaps sticking my heart and head in the sand is cowardly but I’m so disappointed in all of it. It does feel important to me, but I feel as if what I am witnessing is not helpful to anyone. Let me calmly just say the fact that this country is considering someone for President who is going to pardon the people who violently attacked the White House on January 6th is so puzzling to me. I haven’t got the time or inclination to watch that happen.

But back to my original idea for this rambling. This idea of greatness.

I’ve met and been surrounded by many humans that I believe are truly great people. There are quite a few of them that I can genuinely say this about… “Any time I get the chance to be in their company, I take it.”

Do you have people like that in your life? I hope so. I am lucky to know many.

So, I’m just going to list the things I feel that make me say to myself “Anytime I get the chance to be around YOU, I’ll take it!”

1.     I feel better about myself when I am with them. Hard to explain this or why I’m listing this first since it feels so “all about me-ish” to say out loud, but it’s just the truth. I love being around people that inspire me to be a better person.

2.     Great people are kind. Period. They don’t gossip or talk badly about anyone. Ever. I think it makes me feel I can trust them with anything. I can be me around them without the fear of judgement. Don’t get me wrong, I love it when a person has strong opinions and values. I do. But I think the people that make that known without trashing others are people well worth knowing. I wish I could say I’m good at this. I often slip, mostly out of frustrations with someone’s actions, but I try daily to remember why this trait is so very important to me.

3.     Great people listen to understand. That one doesn’t need a lot of explanation.

4.     Great people take care of themselves. They care about how they present themselves in the world. They choose their words and even their attire with great care. They treat their bodies with love and kindness and exercise and good food. They are always clean and well pressed. (Smiling because if you know me at all — you know how important I think an ironing board is.. Ha!)

5.     They smile often and laugh with ease. They’re not really concerned with what others think of them. They ARE concerned with the value they place on their own opinion of themselves. Which leads me to this…

6.     Great people have real confidence. There’s a lot of difference between confidence and cockiness. Great people are not cocky. They are just extremely sure of their talents and limitations. They push themselves out of their comfort zones because they want/need to know their strengths and weaknesses.

7.     Great people care deeply for others. They have a purpose higher than their own lives. They know without a doubt they can make a difference with their talents and time.

8.     Great people rarely waste time. Their own or other people’s. I love this trait. They rarely speak it out loud but you just know when someone is not willing to waste time.

9.     Great people are transparent and honest and own up to their mistakes. You know not only where you stand with them, but why. No one is perfect and they are willing to course correct when the matter calls for it.

10.  Great people are well educated and open minded. Don’t get me wrong. Not everyone can attend Harvard. Not everyone had a family that exposed them to innovative ideas and different points of view. Being educated is not about the school you attend or the degrees you hold. Yesterday someone shared with me the car her husband lovingly restored over the last year in his garage. He taught himself how to restore this old car and believe me when I tell you this restoration was brilliant! It took hard work and lots of self-education to make it happen. I admire that kind of humble greatness all day long.

That is my list of ten things. I’m sure I will think of more. What I know for certain is this — I intend to shoot for this kind of behavior for the rest of my life, however long that life might be. Knowing I will likely die, still trying. And I intend to surround myself with others who are on this quiet journey.

And oh, how I long for our county to be filled with leaders that hold themselves and other to values that make them and therefore this country of ours truly great.

What do YOU think makes someone GREAT? Do share. But let’s not talk politics for today. Okay? Even though I kind of just did that.

With Love and Grace and constant HOPE, Robbin

Luxury.

Fresh flowers in my home is a luxury that never gets old.

The other night some friends and I were talking, and we were all discussing our chosen time of going to bed. My friend Terry said, “It’s a luxury to go to bed early.” There are a lot of us in this group that go to bed really early. Then a few minutes later we were talking about taking a bath. Something I think is vital to good health.

I know, I know.  Tantalizing conversation but stay with me -- it really was.

Terry said again with a smile, “It’s a luxury to take a nice long bath, complete with tub snacks.”

Right then and there I decided to put that lens on all parts of my life.

It’s a luxury to sleep in a bed holding someone you love.

It’s a luxury to make a delicious cup of coffee in the morning and enjoy it in silence.

It’s a luxury to get in a car you own and drive to a grocery store and buy wonderful fresh food to keep your body healthy.

It’s a luxury to have friends who love you so much they check on you when you need it most.

It’s a luxury to have work you love doing.

It’s a luxury to have family that needs you.

It’s a luxury to paint your walls a color you love.

A cozy blanket is a luxury.

A late-night dish of ice cream is a luxury.

It’s a lot like making a list of things you are grateful for but it seems so much more “in the moment” to constantly acknowledge the simple luxuries in your life.

This gift of seeing my life as luxurious is one I will always cherish.

If you have found yourself in a funk today, try to see the luxuries in your life. There are more than you can count to be honest..

Oh and thank you, Terry. It’s a luxury to have friends that remind you of what matters most.

Protein and magic and abundance.

View from our window this Thursday morning…

I work out hard.

I do so I can say it proudly.

I go to a wonderful gym here in Greenville called Shred 415 (where I practice high intensity interval training) at least two times a week, It’s amazing people. CHECK IT OUT

I also walk, and do yoga. But I started to notice that it was getting harder than usual. I was just completely wiped out about 30-45 minutes into my workouts.

My friend Michelle has long been fussing at me about protein, so I talked to my doctor, who also happens to also be a friend and he agreed — yup, I need more protein. We figured out I was likely getting about 25 grams a day and I actually need 100-120.

Did you know getting enough protein is one of the single best things you can do for yourself as you age?

This getting more protein is a big key to a healthy life span. Something I want.

Funny thing is — I THOUGHT I ate really well. I ate a lot of salads, fruits, veggies and plant-based dishes, but my body needed protein to keep my 66-year-old muscles strong. So, I got some supplements and tried to make getting enough protein my new goal.

Whoa. What a game changer. Let me say that again for effect…Whoa. What a game changer!

Now when I think about what I will eat during the day I try hard to figure out how to get enough protein. Since eating LESS is also one of the keys to aging well, I used to think about…now let this sink in….

Less.

 What a shift in my eating to thinking about getting ENOUGH. And I have not gained any weight. And better still, I am full all day long.

But discussing diet is truly not the point of my writing today.

This whole idea of thinking about getting ENOUGH of what I NEED just hit me hard.

Think about it.

As I age, I realize that life is about sucking all the sweetness out of each minute.

Loving hard is a gift to me these days.

Feeling hard is a delight I can hardly describe.

Being present is the most magical tool for a great day I’ve ever encountered.

I went to visit with a friend this week in Chicago. I made some new friends and decided to see if a group of artist/creator friends and I can help rebrand their company.

I’m excited about it.

While I was there, I had a little run-in with a revolving door on Tuesday morning at 9:12 am. I know exactly what time it was because I was heading to a meeting at 9:30, 18 minutes away in walking distance.

I’m a bit OCD about time when I travel, is anyone else?

Anyway, it was startling and happened so freakishly quick. I’m certain if the hotel cameras caught it they are still looking at it when they need a good laugh. And I’m now sporting a pretty nice shiner.

Accidents are odd aren’t they? They wake us up really. Even minor ones like mine. Life really can change on a dime.

So, I am taking this feeling of getting enough of what I need combined with the notion that everything can change on a dime to heart.

Also this same week, my sweet man and I took a little overnight trip to the mountains. I seriously gasped out loud when I had a real and sudden AHA moment as we rested in the quiet of the woods.

What if, what would actually happen to all aspects of my life-- if I trained myself to only see the abundance around me?

I’m not talking about material things per se. I’m taking about all of the things that matter most to me, my friendships, family, health, adventure and love. What if I got up each day wondering how to get my share of those things?

You tracking with me?

So here I am humbling sharing  my latest personal challenge.

Every single day when my eyes open, I will ponder, how can I get enough of all of it? Family, health, friendship, adventure, and  SWEET, SWEET love.

Oh and yes, PROTIEN.

Try it with me and let’s both see how it goes!

With BIG crazy LOVE for that random group of humans that have read this musing this far, Robbin

Tenderness.

My friend Libby Williams is a beautiful portrait photographer. She really takes time to SEE the people she photographs.

I’m lucky in life.

I have a lot of close friends but sometimes I wonder if I could KNOW them even better so the book titled, How to Know a Person really caught my eye as I rambled around a beautiful local bookstore last week. Don’t you just love an independent bookstore?

Ok. I’m just on page 39 of this book but I love the author, David Brooks’ insight and wisdom already.  

He says one of the ways to get to know people better is to look at others with Tenderness.  

The examples he gave of people who have showed us how look at the world with more tenderness were Fred Rogers (I get that) and Ted Lasso. Just think about how Ted looked at his players.  It was really that Tenderness toward people that made us all love Ted. The last example was Rembrandt. Not all the faces this beloved painter captured were remarkable, often they were people we might easily pass on the street. But “even the plainest of faces are so remarkably seen by Rembrandt that we are jolted into seeing them remarkably.”

I want that skill, don’t you?

The other night I met a friend for dinner, and I parked my car with the valet. The young man said as I walked away, “Thank you Love.” I turned to smile and look him in the eyes, something I realized in my haste that I hadn’t done before.  He smiled and simply said, “The world needs more Love, don’t you think? “ 

Yes. The world needs more Love. More tenderness. More knowing each other deeply.

My one-year-old grandson can’t talk much yet. He might have about eight words in his entire vocabulary, but he has a beautiful way of showing love and Tenderness. He came in our home recently and saw someone he’s been around a lot in his little life but had not seen for about two weeks. He quickly smiled and held out his arms to him. Then held him tightly around the neck. It was the dearest and most sincerest of hugs I had seen in a long while. He just held it longer as if to say without words, “I sure have missed you and I love you.” Again, it was just a look and a touch and a hug, but it made everyone in the room smile.

I hope you take the time to hug the people you love in your life a wee bit longer. I hope you look everyone in the eyes, no matter how distracted your life can get. I hope you look at every person you encounter with Tenderness and to see them as the remarkable people they are.

I think doing this with intention will make my life richer. And that’s all I am interested in doing these days. Adding skills and taking time to make life even sweeter. I’ve learned as I get older, that life and Love and people are not something to take for granted. A “next day” is not guaranteed to any of us.

So, love life with the open arms of a child. Put down your phone and slow down a bit to look others in the eyes. Write an old fashion letter to a friend to remind them of why they matter to you. Take time to tell them how they have changed your life.

Let Tenderness and Love lead the way.

Blogs are not the “trendy’ thing to do these days. They are as I have heard said before, “So 2001”. But I love writing about things that matter to me.

So, If you have read this far, know I love you madly. You matter to me.

With joy, Robbin

Home.

I love this window in my HOME. It seems to embrace the outside world in its arms.

I have been thinking lately about the idea of home and the word we use for it, often interchangeable:

HOUSE.

I think the two words are totally different and hold two different meanings.

I own a house. My home is wherever I hang my hat so to speak. Home is such a sweet little four-letter word. House is well, just a word. It just doesn’t hold a lot of emotion for me.

Does everyone feel that way?

Home is a smell. I have this counter spray left over from Christmas that smells, like Christmas. Like home really. It’s March now and I still can’t give up that smell. It reminds me of all the joys of Christmas lights and pine needles and soft music playing in the kitchen all season long.

Home is a feeling. I moved about this time last year. And I love this HOUSE. But more importantly I love this home. It feels safe. Safe is a funny word to call this home because not one person in Greenville would disagree that it is in a less than “safe” area of town. But here’s the truth, I have never felt so connected to my neighbors. And that makes me feel safe.

Home is a sense of belonging. I live on about two acres, and I have never felt closer to the world around me. How is that? In my last home I could wave good night to the neighbors all of eight feet away, but I never felt that sense of closeness I longed for. That feeling I have here. Last year, we had a Christmas party and decided to invite everyone on our street. A lot of them came. Just mingling in with our family and friends like we had been a part of each other lives forever.

So here is a crazy story.

I remember talking to someone who worked for Obama on his initial election campaign. And she said her only task was to go around America and ask two questions. (Sorry if you have heard this story before but I find it so startling simple and stunning and beautiful.)

The two questions were:

1.     What are you most afraid of?

2.     And do you know your neighbor?

That was all the former President wanted to know to help him build a deeper understanding of the state of our country. Isn’t that stunning?  Think anyone of our current candidates are asking those kinds of smart questions now?

Oh good grief, I’ll try not to digress and start talking politics. Let me go regroup and go back to my orginal thought…

In my new neighborhood, we have a local group meeting each month and I love going. Mostly I love seeing the diversity of this area contained in one single church basement. That gathering is a reminder to me that at our core, is one simple thing:

We love our homes, large and grand or simple and in need of a few repairs. We all treasure this thing we call HOME.  

If you’re lucky enough to have a place in the world you call HOME, you are wealthy beyond words.

I know I am.

So, here’s the little things that make a my house a home – sweet tea in the fridge, a fire pit in the backyard, the little love notes that hang with random magnets on the fridge, sun streaming through my favorite window, fresh flowers in a pink vase and daffodils in the side yard in February.

Home is a sacred word. I feel so hard sometimes I must turn the world and the news completely off to get grounded. I feel for war torn Ukraine and Israel and Gaza in a way I can’t explain. Perhaps I’m hurting for all the multitudes of people who have lost that beautiful gift, that feeling, that safety of HOME.

So, tell me. What makes your house or rented room or favorite hiking spot a HOME? I’d love to hear from you…

OX, Robbin

The thing about time.

Those beautiful wise little eyes.

“That's the thing with time, isn't it? It's not all the same. Some days - some years - some decades - are empty. There is nothing to them. It's just flat water. And then you come across a year, or even a day, or an afternoon. And it is everything. It is the whole thing.”

― Matt Haig, How to Stop Time

My first grandchild, a boy, was born in March. And along with all the joy, giggles, and sweet smells I’ve been rolling this notion of time around in my mind and heart. It truly feels like yesterday when my own two children were my constant companions.

I’m keeping my grandson while his parents work, and it’s hard to describe, but watching him grow so quickly and seeing him learn new things every single day makes me wonder; why exactly do we worry about little things? A mess in the living room floor? A lost pair of sunglasses? The laundry? An offhanded remark?

I get that some big things like a health crisis or a job loss require us to pause and take concern (and action), but some of the things I’ve found myself fretting over in my life are just so not worth the time they’ve robbed from me.  

It’s fascinating to me. My tiny grandson has absolutely no concept of time. He also never seems to worry. He’s living each moment exactly as it happens. He’s full of joy and wonder and delight. He’s not thinking about the future, or what he did last night, or how he’ll make ends meet. He has no regrets. He never, ever worries about what someone thinks of him. He’s just happy being right where he is…

In the moment.

Not all his moments are prefect (I have an annoying habit of forgetting his diaper bag for instance). He just seems so keenly aware of the gift and adventure of each new moment. Since I’ve been hanging out with him a lot, he’s also given me the gift of really standing in each moment as it’s handed to me. I’ll always, always be thankful to him for this gift. I’m sure I felt this joy and understanding when my own kids were little, but with the pressures of being a mom, working and all that comes with that I’m not sure I was able to “slow down” and really get the most important message a child brings us. This idea of “slowing down”.

Yes, I am talking to all my young Mama friends out there.

A song I have on repeat these days is from Andrew Durhon and it’s called Slow Down. (Promise me you’ll take a few minutes and listen to it.) I often write the words SLOW DOWN on my chalkboard in the kitchen. My dear niece Alice wrote the word PLEASE after those words the other day and it made my heart smile.

Yes. Please Time, SLOW DOWN.

For many reasons, life for me lately has been like sparkling water, fizzy and loud and full of excitement. I don’t have a lot of time for things that don’t matter. And you know what? I think I’m finally getting the hang of truly slowing down… like Andrew says in his in his beautiful lyrics, “all we really have is right here, right now…”

Love, Robbin

Getting old gets a bum rap. And other truths.

Today I did a silly thing. I played one of those Facebook games. I know, I know. Go ahead and roll your eyes. I saw a friend who had done it and shared it online and it was so her! She was a young Audrey Hepburn.

So, I just did it.

The photo above was my answer. And you know what? Nothing could be more accurate. I LOVED and still do love sunshine, bare feet and anything that grows from the ground. I also love finding quiet little places to hide and rest and daydream. Oh, and sun dresses and messy hair in the summer. For some reason this photo of this tiny little girl made my heart smile. And it made me realize something else:

Getting old gets a bad rap. Why is that?

I find this time in life so FREEING. So much fun. I suppose I recognized this little girl in the photo because I have found her again -- in a lot of ways that really matter. Now that I have less days in front of me than behind me, I feel this enormous sense of wonder, almost astonishment, for the world around me. I catch a little patch of the blue sky and it takes my breath away. I see a bit of bright green moss or a flower poking out of the sidewalk, and it stops me in my tracks. I meet a friend that I haven’t seen in a bit and jump up and down with delight. I play hard during the day, and I sleep hard at night. I eat when I’m hungry and sometimes I completely forget to brush my hair.

Trust me my wonderful less than 50-year-old younger friends, this new sense of wonder and freedom is something to really look forward to. Maybe I just have more time on my hands, maybe I’m just lucky, but maybe, just maybe, I really am reconnecting with my inner child.

Psychologists say it’s good to remember and connect with your inner child because you become more protective of yourself. Always a good thing. And I suppose that might be part of what makes this “third act” part of my life so delightful. I say NO with ease and YES with delight. I’m very protective of my time and who I choose to spend my time with.

So. Tomorrow is Saturday.  For those of you that still work and hustle hard, give yourself permission to wake up with the sun. Or when your kids wake you at least. Get outside in the sunshine or bundle up if it’s cold out where you are and just give yourself permission to PLAY. Eat whatever you fancy. Let your worries rest for a day or two. They’ll be there when you reconnect with your grown-up self.

Just for a day or two, let the little kid inside you be 100 percent in charge.

With Love, Robbin

Social Media+Old Photographs +Creating a Life to Love.

This morning I was served up a photo from 13 years ago by Facebook. It struck me as odd how very, very unaware I was of all that the next thirteen years would hold for me. I seem so innocent in this photo.

This simple photo had me reflecting all day long to be totally honest.

So, I decided to do something I do quite often. I wrote myself a little letter. This time to the woman in this photo. My 13-year-old younger self. I won’t share everything in that letter because that would be weird, but I’ll share the highlights I think might be helpful:

You are so much stronger than you think you are. You’ll face some crazy, insane life challenges, and you’ll have your heart shattered but whoa, you’ll put your shattered heart back together in a way that is so much better, way more compassionate, and just so much more loving than you knew was even possible. I’m so grateful for all the great things that have come my way and there have been many. But as I age, I’ve truly come to see the gift our struggles bring us.

If you’re going through something, try hard and find the gifts.

Wherever you go there you are. Try and remember what this phrase really means sweetheart. (Yes, I would call the woman in this photo “sweetheart” because I know now how much kinder I should have been to her all along.) Life is what is happening now. Life is in the tiny moments when you find yourself smiling for no reason. You are right where you need to be.

You really are right where you’re supposed to be. Trust the magic of that.

And last but not least….You can create a life you truly love.

So that’s all. That’s what I would tell my 13-year-old younger self.

As much as we all wonder about the impact of social media on our lives, I truly love the “random photos from our past” thing it tosses at us.

It might actually be softening our collective hearts. And giving us a wee bit of perspective. I hope so.

Hello 2023. Very nice to meet you!

I love the start of things.

Sometimes I buy a book based solely on how much I love the first sentence. First sentences are a big deal to writers. They set the tone for all that’s to come. That’s how I woke up this morning; eager to set the tone for 2023 with a happy heart. I suppose every morning is a new beginning, but there’s something about this day, this morning that makes me wildly happy. I love a clean slate, a freshly washed chalkboard, a new sheet of watercolor paper, freshly washed and ironed sheets. (Yes, I iron my sheets, try it before you roll your eyes!)

I could go on and on…

I don’t make resolutions, but as someone who lives a very intentional life, I set intentions.

So, here’s some things I intend to get better at this year. They’re things that matter a lot to me. Ready? It’s not an earth-shattering list but perhaps it will inspire you to create your own list. Keep it short so you can remind yourself of your intentions every morning when you wake up.

1.     Try to take time and really look all the amazing people in my life in the eye and just be present. Really appreciate them. Love them. I like to think I’m pretty good at this, but I want to be even better. The relationships we have with our friends and our family (and honestly even strangers) are everything. They are the true wealth of our lives. Did I mention I’m having a grandson in March? What if, what if… we looked at all people like we look at babies? Can you just imagine how our world might change?

2.     Continue to love and care for this one body I’ve been given in this life. Find exciting ways to get even stronger and more confident in my body’s own strength. Our bodies are magical. I play hard so I get hurt occasionally, and it never ceases to amaze me how our bodies heal and work. I want to make sure that every day I’m fueling my body with the best food I can find and afford. Some of the things that get sold in the grocery store as real food just blow my mind. I will continue to stay away from those foods and spend more time with the “fresh from the ground” foods. Don’t worry Ice Cream sandwiches, I’m not talking about you.

3.     Let go of things that are no longer serving me. Like beating myself up in my head about things that happened long ago. Why do humans do that? Every year I have to remind myself of this one.

4.     Follow my dreams and heart. Every single day.

 That’s it! That’s all I’ve got for now.

 Oh wait. I intend to sell my beautiful home so I can move to the one I have fallen madly in love with!! Email me at Robbin@robbinphilllips.com, if you want more information on my newly renovated home in downtown Greenville.

I can’t even explain the way this yard looks when it’s not the dead of winter and the bushes are full with white blooms!

Speaking of what’s ahead…

Okay, okay. I told a fib when I declared my last my last post of the year to be THE last post of the year. I decided to put this exciting news on my blog first, incase any of my one million readers and facebook friends (jk) knows of anyone looking for a magical home.

I AM SELLING my newly renovated (2021) Magnolia Network’s, Kym Petrie built and designed home, at 17 Keowee Avenue here in beautiful downtown Greenville, SC!

My dream home on my dream street, more about that possible home later, has come up for sale and if I sell mine and the stars align just right, I might be able to make it happen.

So here are the details of my current home, which I really love, LOVE. In case it’s supposed to be your next home. Please feel free to share with friends.

Can’t explain how this front yard looks in spring and summer when the white snowball bushes are in full bloom. They surprise me every year.

Here’s the bit of copy I wrote for zillow (coming soon) and the front yard fliers (also coming soon):

Are you looking for a downtown condo without the monthly regime fee?

Beautiful home with large private back yard has been lovingly renovated by owner and Magnoila Network’s builder/designer Kym Petrie in 2021. New HVAC and tankless water heater in 2021. A large screened porch, great for morning coffee is accessible from Master + Kitchen.

As you enter, you'll take note of the vast space this small home offers. 10.5 foot ceilings. Ample living room, large dining area, and spectacular kitchen area, with custom cabinets, upgraded appliances, and granite countertops. Gas stove. Living room has a marble fireplace with gas logs. And if you're looking for lots of storage, this house has it at every turn. The back yard is professionally fenced in, professionally landscaped with a full in ground watering system and has an additional sitting area just waiting to host a party by the firepit. There's a "tiny house" addition in the backyard with A/C, Heat, Power and Water. It includes a sitting area, loft bed and 1/2 bath. Walking distance to Augusta Road and just minutes from downtown. Super close to Prism Health System and the Swamp Rabbit Trail.

Augusta Circle and Greenville High District.

Did I mention “storage”?

If you want more info or pics connect with me at robbin@robbinphillips.com. A friend of mine is doing a video for me next week after Christmas decor is down and I will share that soon too!

$675,000

P.S. If you need a larger home than my 2 bed (3 beds if you count the tiny house loft bed)/2.5 bath house, my friend Kym knows you can quickly build a two bed jack and jill bath upstairs for a good price and she has crew who are amazing, ready to help and offer you costs and timelines.

I will honor, of course, all your real estate agents fees.

Love, Robbin

Just a peep inside, I have a PDF with more photos and details. Just DM me!!! And okay, my pro photographer friends Dee and Libby, I should have smoothed out the rug a wee bit. I can hear ya’ll shaking your heads. HA!

Feelings, Holidays and Love, actually.

This is one of my favorite paintings. I’m so glad it found a great home! Thanks, Becky!

This time of year, I get so emotional.

It’s like all the feelings that haven’t had their way with me during the year surface for one last final “hurrah!”

Tis the season, right?

This morning I took a fast, freezing walk with my friend. We took a tiny little detour and of all the crazy things I stumbled and fell HARD on my face and left hand in a tiny little patch of gravel.

Please be careful my gravel bike riding friends, gravel hurts. Liz, Barry and Maddie and Mel, I am talking about you!

This sudden fall hurt my feelings so bad.

Accidents are just so startling, aren’t they?

It’s funny, I named one of my favorite paintings, “Have you ever hit your head so hard it hurt your feelings?” Because yes, we ‘re very capable of hurting our own feelings and to be honest, self-inflicted hurt is a tough kind of hurt. Feels a bit like betrayal.

Oh, and I’m pretty sure, I’ll be sporting a sweet little shiner for Christmas.

But then, what happened next gave me a different set of emotions. This sweet man immediately stopped his run and offered to go get his car and take us home. But it was too late. My friend had called her husband and was he was already in his car and on the way. Complete with a bag of ice. They took me to their home, and he carefully washed and picked the gravel off me. (I’m fine, I’m fine.  It was embarrassing, another doozie of an emotion, how minor my wounds were after we washed me up.) But still the care of both friends and a complete stranger almost made me start crying all over again.

It filled my heart with LOVE to be honest. I felt so loved.

Then later in the day, I saw a friend and excitedly shared an Ultrasound photo on my phone of my yet to be born grandson. We’re all so in love with that sweet little unborn fella it’s just crazy, I hope on some level he already feels the love in store for him as he quietly grows in his mama’s belly.

And that’s when it hit me.

The most amazing FEELING on the planet is anticipation. This might sound weird but every time I sit down to paint, I get this amazing feeling of anticipation.

Anticipation is a magic feeling to be honest.

Kenny Rogers once said the key to happiness is something to do, someone to love and something to look forward to…

So tonight, after carefully wrapping my very last present for a dear, sweet friend (oh, I can’t wait to give it to you!), and placing it under the tree, I decided to make a list of everything I’m looking forward to in the coming year. That simple act was so magical. It turned my entire day around.

Some place warm with a sandy beach is high on that list for sure.

It made me realize how much possible adventure is in front of me. I know I am not in control of a lot of things, none of us are, but I’m big believer in power of intention and this Winter Solstice exercise relaxed me in a way I can’t even explain.

So, if you are on the emotional struggle bus during this holiday. Do like me, and watch Love, Actually for the 17th time and sit down with a pen and paper and write a list of everything you’re looking forward to in the coming days and years.

It’s like an amazing, calming tonic for your soul.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

I hope you’re surrounded by LOVE. I hope you offer your healing LOVE to those around you. Including complete strangers. And I hope, like me, you find yourself in awe of the magic of the season whenever you get the chance.

LOVE, Robbin

How do you want to help the world?

I took this photo at my my friend Greg Ramsey’s magical art studio. Artists make the most beautiful messes….

Geez, it’s been a while. I’ve been writing, but most of it is honestly not for public viewing.

This is. This is.

 Yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine. She said, “Why do women focus so much on how they look?  Why don’t we ask each other more important questions, like what is your purpose?”

Don’t you love that?  (Thanks, Libby.)

 My conversation with my dear friend reminded me of a conversation with another friend and mentor of mine. Someone I met many, many years ago.

His name was Hayne Hipp.

If you’re from my neck of the woods, South Carolina, you know who Hayne was. He was a mentor to many, many people and for some strange reason Hayne and I developed a real and somewhat unlikely friendship. We could not have been more different is a bit of an understatement. Shortly after I got to know him, I was in the car with him and his wife heading to a local event. He turned to me at some point and asked:

“Robbin, how to do want to help the world?”

 I was young. And stunned by the simplicity of his very, very brilliant question.

 If I am being honest, it was a question that changed me.

 Completely.

 It made me question everything I thought was important at the time.

 I have a quote hung on a door in my home that reminds of Hayne’s question.

 “I am going to make everything around me beautiful, that will be my life.” Elsie de Wolfe

In a lot of ways that has been my way to help the world. It’s been a guiding light of sorts. I care deeply about appreciating and adding to the beauty of our world. It’s not a big lofty goal, but it’s worked for me.

So today, give my friend Hayne’s question some thought.

How do you want to help the world?  

There are no wrong answers to a question like that. And in some ways this question takes a lot of pressure off of finding your own personal purpose, don’t you think?

And know. If you are reading this, I love you madly.

Robbin

The healing power of words.

The wisest words I’ve ever heard came from a three-year-old. My son actually.

He was staying overnight with my sister while I was out of town. She had plans to take him somewhere for a little adventure. In the process of getting ready to leave, she lost her keys. Then another small setback happened. (I honestly don’t remember the details.) She looked down at him and said, “Tyler, when it rains it pours.” He looked back up to her and said in his sweet little three-year-old voice, “Yeah, but when it shines, it shines.”

Don’t you just love that?

I think about those simple words whenever life gets a wee bit overwhelming.

When I was a young Mama and the days seemed long and years seemed short, I would call my own Mom after a really challenging day. (You amazing Mamas out there know the days I’m talking about.) I would relive in great detail all the things I had done in ONE SINGLE DAY, again just overwhelmed with life stuff. She’d calmly listen and then say, “Well, that’s enough of that, what are you making for dinner?” I can’t tell you what a wonderful lesson her words were for me. To this day I still find myself saying those words to myself and others.

Yesterday my niece and I were at her Art Studio. She was telling me that she had joined the choir at her church. She’s an amazing vocalist in addition to having a full time job and being an incredible artist and a wife and mom. I flippantly said, “Oh, because you need one more thing to add to your plate!”  She said, “I really don’t mind, singing calms my central nervous system.” I stopped and stood still in my tracks. Yes, yes it does.

Singing and music really do calm our central nervous system.

By the way, I love everything about you, Alice.

I have  a little book of words like those from my Mom and my three year old son and my niece that soothe the seams of my soul.

I refer to those words a lot.

So I suggest (with my pollyanna sunglasses on as always), that we all cherish the sun when it shines, (and the rain when it rains for that matter). Try hard not to dwell on the tough messy stuff life shoots at you. And remember, if all else fails sing out loud or dance in your kitchen to really loud music.

Our central nervous systems need all the help they can get.
Love, Robbin

Saturday morning miracles. And Love.

This morning I got up super early and took a long drive. There was the slightest chill in the air as I drove through the curvy Carolina mountains. I ended up in one of my favorite places and it was so early there was hardly anyone around. I sat in the stillness and watched the morning sky unfold.

As I got back in my car, I spotted a wild turkey crossing the road. She was so stately and sure of herself. (I’m not sure if this turkey was a he or she to be honest but he or she knew she or he was beautiful.) This turkey stopped in her tracks and I swear… smiled at me.

It was all so beautiful — it took my breath away.

When I got back into town, I went with a friend to grab some lunch. While we were waiting on our meal this young woman walked in and my friend leaned over and quietly said, “Is it creepy if I tell her how beautiful she is?” “No!” I said, “We all need Love from strangers, it’s the best kind of Love in some ways.”

That exchange with my friend reminded me of one of my favorite experiences of all times. About 13 years ago, I was going through some tough stuff, you know life stuff that tosses you off balance for a bit of time. Each day was a bit of a challenge for me to be honest. I’d worked hard all day and decided that a sandwich from Publix might be good for dinner. I also needed a few other random groceries. It was pouring down rain. I mean the kind of pouring rain that made an umbrella completely irrelevant. The kind of rain that made you wonder if the roof of the grocery store would suddenly just cave under the pressure. Everyone looked a bit like me, tired, damp and a bit annoyed with it all. Everyone wanted to be somewhere other than a brightly lite grocery store at 6pm on a rainy Tuesday night.

I stood at the deli line quietly pondering my sandwich order. I was content being in my own little world. Just thinking about my sandwich. Suddenly a beautiful young girl about 10 or 11 looked up at me and gasped. She completely surprised me by shouting, “Look Mom, she is so beautiful!!!” I looked at her and her Mom. Both smiling from ear to ear. This little girl had Down Syndrome and a joy and a light in her eyes that will stay will me forever. Her Mom mouthed. “I am so sorry” as her daughter pointed my way and continued to exclaim to anyone and everyone who would listen, “Isn’t she beautiful?! Isn’t she beautiful, everybody?”

Everyone was suddenly smiling and responding to this little girl’s amazing light and energy.

All I could think to say as I leaned down to look her in the eyes was, “You are so beautiful, too, sweetheart.”

It was over almost as quickly as it began. But the store was crowded so a lot of people had seen this simple joyful unexpected exchange. As I made my way down each aisle after getting my sandwich everyone I encountered that had seen this tiny random act of Love, looked at me and said, “You are so beautiful.” And I would respond with a smile, “You are so beautiful, too.”

That experience was magical. It changed me on the inside if I am being honest. It was such a reminder that we should and could be like that young girl; open hearted and full of joy and Love for each other.

I adore this quote from the Dalai Lama and remind myself of it often. ‘The mind is like water. When it is turbulent, it’s difficult to see. When it’s calm, everything becomes clear.”

There’s such beauty around us. Morning stillness and early sunlight. Random strangers. Acoustical versions of our favorite songs from random artists. Flowers that pop out of cement sidewalks. Kind words from friends or our family just when we need them.

I hope you choose to take time for all the beauty that’s right in front of you today. I hope you look at strangers with Love in your heart and eyes. I hope you choose to focus on all that is good. And joyful. And amazing. There will always be struggles. There will be that mean person who cuts you off in traffic. Or the person snarling about the prices as they pump gas.

Ignore them. Don’t give them your time or your precious energy.

Seeing the beauty around us can magically calm our collective souls. And clear our minds. I think we all need more of that.

So look for the Love. Look for the Beauty. Look for the Magic. It is always, always there.

I hope you know this too, you really are so very, very beautiful to me… With Love and Joy, Robbin

Stuck.

Is anyone really stuck in life? I like to think not, but it’s the feeling of stuck that I’m thinking through today. Because it’s an emotion I’ve been struggling with lately. And it feels like an itchy sweater to me.

 “Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” ~Mandy Hale

 I’m a big believer in the idea that what you think about expands. So, I’d prefer to just sweep this crazy mixed up feeling under the carpet if I’m being 100 percent honest.

I’ve faced a few small personal challenges lately that have left me feeling discouraged and stuck. Nothing major, just small annoying things. I’m someone who loves adventure. And travel. Twice this summer I’ve had to quickly cancel trips to handle “life stuff”. This last one left me sadder than sad. Don’t worry, it’s really not a big deal just something I need to attend to. But whew, I’ve cried some pity party tears over the last two days. I might have cried enough tears to fill a small lake. And I can’t seem to shake this feeling of hopelessness.

Yup, I named stuck’s little brother and said it out loud. Stuck and hopeless go hand in hand.

I have so much to be grateful for.

A warm home, family I’m close to, friends who surprise me with their love and support, a car that never lets me down, I’m healthy, my life is full of abundance and purpose.

So why does this emotion of stuck just keep swirling around me? For starters most of the challenges I’m dealing with are completely out of my control. I just need to let them play out. The desire for control is what gives us all the most trouble in life, right? Letting go of control is one of the hardest things for me to do.

So, I’ve decided to focus my thinking on the things I can control.

Like my attitude. I can stay calm and centered. It’s not always easy, but things like meditation and walking and writing and painting are helpful to me and are the things I can control.

I can choose to stay optimistic. I can make a game of seeing what is going right in difficult times.

I can listen to music. How is it that music changes us from the inside?

I can dream a brand-new dream. Getting so detailed with it that I can FEEL it happening. Some people call this manifesting. I believe in that with all my heart. But when the stuck feeling hits, it’s slower to surface so, I have to find ways to help my imagination along. Like creating a vision board (ever done that?). Or try starting a journal entry with “I see a day when…” Trust me, it’s a game changer.  

I can get busy.

I can reach out and focus on someone who might need my encouragement.

 I can give myself permission to just rest. Take a silent retreat in my own back yard.

 I can plan a day trip and find adventure in my own neck of the woods.

 I can read books that inspire me to travel to new places in my mind.

 Whew. I feel better already and I’m ready to dream a new dream. Anything, anything is possible if you can see it in your heart and mind.

 So, your turn, tell me, what do you do to get the feeling of stuck out of your heart?

 Love and Hope, Robbin

This one life…

I don’t post photos of myself often, but I love this one because one of my closest friends took it and it was taken in one of my closest friend’s home. That part makes me love it!

This last year has been a roller coaster of emotions and feelings for me. I’m someone who feels hard. When I am happy, I’m wildly happy and when I am sad, I try and honor that and just let those feelings work their own kind of magic.

 Feelings are so cool, right?

This summer my sweet sister had to have a life-saving operation to repair her cracked c1 and c2 vertebra. It was scary and upsetting and the weeks leading up to the surgery and after made me think hard about what matters most in life to me now.  Family and Friends and Faith were top of that list. Everything you own or think you want melts when you see someone you love confronted with such life altering decisions.

My sister is someone to know and love.

She lives about an hour away from me, so her friends did the bulk of caring for her prior to her surgery. She was unable to do anything for herself.  Her community support was something to witness. Three of her close friends, without hesitation, stayed with her for months around the clock. Caring for her in a way that honestly lifted my heart and spirit. The world we live in is messy and full of hard stuff, but seeing her friends care for her and watching them navigate this time, was awe inspiring. The surgery was here in Greenville, so I spent a lot of time with her in the ten days she was in the hospital. Seeing her determination to walk and live on her own again all while keeping her amazing humor in tack, just humbled me.

Geez, the simple things we all take for granted.

She was lucky. We had a great surgeon and team. And great care after the hospital with therapists and caregivers. We have a good friend from childhood who’s a retired nurse and her insights and knowledge were beyond helpful. I would even say her help saved my sister’s life.

I’m talking about you Tammy.

I will never ever get over the kindness of her caretakers. And I will never take the healthcare industry for granted again, ever. So many angels among us.

My sister is doing well. She’s living independently again. And the tough stuff is almost behind her.

I’ve often read that strong community and social connections are part of leading a long healthy life. Seeing that in action with my sister, well, it really was a great reminder. Like my sister, I’m blessed with a strong network of friends. I love them madly and they make me feel loved. Keeping close friends is work sometimes. It’s saying yes when you’d rather say no. It’s having deep conversations. It requires listening hard and most of all it requires time and trust.

The other great reminder and gift my sister gave me this summer is also simple.

Life is so short.

It can be taken from us in a heartbeat. So, love hard, see the beauty all around you, laugh every time you get a chance, don’t worry about the money, eat the ice cream, dance with wild abandon in your kitchen to music you love, take the trip, celebrate all of it, every single day.  

I hope you take some time today to honor your loved ones for all they have done and all they are willing to do. I hope you jump off Facebook, put on some music and just dance. Or call someone and tell them you love them. In a world of social injustices that rips at the seams of our souls, let’s remember the good people and things worth celebrating in our lives.

If you are reading this, know…

I love you madly…Robbin

On well being…

Today I went to the grocery store and while I was in the checkout line a magazine caught my eye. It was a Yoga Magazine. Across the front in great big bright blue bold letters was THE POWER OF WELL BEING. I think a lot about well-being. So, I casually tossed the magazine in my cart right on top of the ice cream sandwiches and half and half and sparkly water. Hard to explain how a real printed magazine can make you feel sometimes. It’s so much more intimate than just surfing down the strange rabbit holes of the internet. It calms me to read from a real magazine. And lately my body and heart have been seeking calm and comfort.

I suppose that seeking of calm and comfort also explains the ice cream sandwiches. (smiling)

As I was reading the first article in the magazine there was a suggestion at the end of it to write your PRESENT self a letter from your FUTURE self. Say from the year 2027. Five years from now.

Hmmmm. In 2027, I will be five years older than 64. You can do that math.

Just the thought of this letter thrilled me a wee little bit if I am being honest. What would my future self actually want to share with my present self?

Isn’t that just so simple and brilliant?

If you operate in the business world there’s lots of talk about three year plans and five year plans. Usually the word STRATEGIC is tossed in somewhere to amp up the pressure. But, I’ve never thought about what my future self might simply want to share with me RIGHT now. After all the big loving and living and dreaming I’ve done in my life, isn’t this a gentler way to think about and set some intentions for what might come next?

There is a quiet and calm urgency to living life in your sixties.

It’s very, very different than the urgency you feel in your twenties and thirties when you’re starting careers and families and finding your voice and purpose.

I write letters to myself often by the way. If you don’t, you really should make a practice of it. It’s so cool because these letters don’t have to make sense to any one but you. They are for your eyes only. There’s something freeing about writing letters to yourself. Sometimes I actually send mine in the mail. It’s a fun surprise to get them a few days later.

So tonight I’m going to eat an ice cream sandwich, take a really long bath and ponder what my 69 year old self (gulp) might have to share with my 64 year old self.

I can’t wait to get started.

And we can all thank a real “hold it in your hands” magazine for that big idea.

By the way, I love you madly. I’m pretty sure my future self would tell you all that. And actually tell ME that.

Isn’t that the essence of well being? To love your people and yourself, really, really well.

Change or die, Part 2.

Lucas, Logan and me.

Last night I was out eating dinner after my first ever Art Gallery Show (thank you Art & Light Gallery) and our conversation lead us to talk about “change”. I remembered this article I’d written many years ago, so I pulled it up online and reread it. I’ve copied and pasted it below in case you’re interested.

By the way, it was pretty cool to have friends and strangers pause and walk about and look at my art. Hard to explain really. I think the word I’m searching for is humbling. hmmm. Is that the word for it? Anyway…

Since I wrote that first piece about “change” a lot more change has happened in my life and in our world. My children are both out living and dealing with the highs and lows of their own lives, I sold a business I helped build and said goodbye to a career I adored. I completely renovated my house. I sold a building I helped lovingly restore in Greenville’s growing West Village. (By the way, if you live here go down there on a Friday night and enjoy some of the new places that have popped up like Bar Margret and The Rabbit Hole). I started walking and painting every single day. I lost my sweet mom (Do we ever get used to living without our moms?) We all pioneered our way through a world wide pandemic. I had a few more unexpected personal changes that rattled the seams of my soul. But something important has shifted for me. Somewhere in all the unpredictable-ness and unexpected-ness of life, I developed a new skill:

I just don’t get attached to outcomes anymore.

And it’s made me wildly happy. Not being attached to outcomes is so freeing. My new mantra is FREE. It’s kept me in the present moment. It’s made my relationships so much deeper and more meaningful. Especially the relationship I have with myself. It’s lead me to really focus on my spiritual growth. I’ve learned that no one or no thing can be the source of my happiness. I give no one, not even the cranky drivers who beep their horns before the light even turns green, permission to hurt me. I’ve learned that happiness is truly an inside job.

And I’m really good with that. Here’s to what’s next for all of us. And most of all here’s to this minute, this day, this one beautiful breath that is NOW.

P.S. If you’re reading this, know: I love you all madly.

This is the first painting I’ve ever sold! It’s titled “Have you ever hit your head so hard it hurt your feelings?” The bumps and bruises life tosses us can really hurt our feelings but they really do make us better people in the long run. This one was for you Lucas! Ha!

Change or die, Part 1 was first published on April 27th, 2015. That was over 7 years ago.

What if we could live our lives with a sureness that things often fall apart in order to make way for something even more remarkable?



Above: One of my favorite photos of Ramsey, Cordell, Mike and yours truly taken during one of Mike’s visits a couple of year ago. 

In 2004, Mike Goot, my business partner of many, many years looked me in the eye and said, “If this next election goes a certain way, Karen and I are leaving the country.” Mike and Karen were not happy with our country’s leadership, to put it mildly.

“Yeah, Yeah. Sure. Right.” I said.

I’ll never forget the call after the election when he told me he was serious and planning to take three months away (a sabbatical, who takes a sabbatical from marketing???) to explore his options. They were going to find another country to call home for a while. As we talked, I remember my hands — one of which was holding the phone — began to shake. I literally had to hold the phone with both hands. Mike, Greg Cordell and Greg Ramsey and I had weathered plenty of change in our business adventures before. Good change and bad change. But we’d always done it together. I knew from experience that all change can eventually lead to something better. But that night, after that call, I layed on the bed and wept.

Sobbed.

It was the end of an era.

And I was white knuckled scared.

Then something amazing happened. Over the next few days and weeks, even while I was sad and grieving the fact that Mike and Karen were going to leave and move to another country to start a new life, I also felt something inside of my soul come alive.

One of Mike’s famous lines was rolling around in my heart and head: “Change or die.” I was now standing face to face with that set of words and realized I/we/Brains on Fire wanted to LIVE.

I not only embraced change, I became a cheerleader for change.

I started driving to work a different way each day to break myself from do anything that smelled of routine.

Together and inspired by my two remaining partners — Greg Cordell and Greg Ramsey — we started talking about ALL the work we’d ever done over our careers. We started talking about what we loved, what we hated, what we admired. And most of all, what we’d love to do more of.

We loved naming and branding. Helping organizations find their soul, their voice.

Our decision to change wasn’t a long drawn out decision. It was quick painless one. Sometimes when you’re staring at a major change, you’re forced to act VERY quickly.

I see FORCED ACTION as one of the many gifts change brings.

Basically in one short, quiet conversation, we went from being a local marketing agency to being a national naming and branding company. In our hearts, where it matters most. We started studying successful companies who were doing remarkable branding and naming work.

Where were they showing up? How do they do what they do? What do they charge? We changed our website to reflect who we wanted to be.

And most importantly we changed our own vocabulary.

We were fueled with a desire to help others by doing something we absolutely loved.

After many years of doing business in a certain way, we were a start up again.

It felt amazing. And it worked. We started getting not just regional work, but national work. We entered competitions alongside national naming and branding firms. And we got noticed.

That day and that decision to embrace change led us to create a culture that actually welcomes change. In the last decade or so the world of marketing has experienced massive changes as shiny new technologies pop up every day and give organizations more ways to have a dialogue with and get closer to the people they serve.

Many agencies folded under the pressure to change and learn and adapt.

Brains on Fire chose to change again. We become the only Word of Mouth Marketing firm with roots in naming and branding, creating community and conversation for amazing organizations along the way.

We starting keep track of the lessons we were learning. We started believing and saying these words out loud:

We’re all in Grad School.

We began to write and speak and share what were learning with each other and the world. In order to accept change you have to change your words and the things you say. And again, change worked. We doubled our revenues. We wrote and published two successful books.

Together, we have become cheerleaders and champions for change.

In 2010, I had a chance again to embrace change or die. I lost someone very close and dear to my family in a fast, startling, almost profound way. I found myself white knuckle scared with change on a very personal level

This particular change hit hard. I lost 30 pounds, I got pneumonia. It took months and months, but I at some point, I heard Mike’s words rise up in my heart yet again.

Change or DIE.

And I realized I wanted to LIVE. So I got healthier. I got stronger. I took up yoga and meditation. I found a new personal purpose. I moved to a house half the size of my old one. I embraced change and challenged my comfort zone.

Every single day.

And I can tell you with complete certainly that sometimes things really DO fall apart, in order for something even more remarkable to happen.

Over my incredible career, I have seen people lose jobs they love, businesses they started, homes they cared for… and even loved ones. I’ve seen massive changes in the way business is done and how we communicate. I’ve seen some people struggle to keep up. I’ve seen others snub their noses and ignore change until it swallows them.

And I’ve seen others thrive.

I believe you can make a choice to Change, DIE — or LIVE.

You can become a cheerleader of change.

You can rewrite your story and change your vocabulary.

If you want leave your safe job to be a photographer, get a business card that says photographer on it. If you lose your job and have always wanted to write for a living, start writing. Introduce yourself as a writer. If you want to teach, call yourself a teacher.

You can change your words and that will change your actions and you can make something remarkable happen.

If you want to be a Word Of Mouth Marketing Company or a tribe of vagabond baristas, you can.

If you are willing to change your words and take action.

I don’t know what unexpected change is in front of you or me or any of us. None of us can see the future. But we can choose to be stay awake and alive to the gifts that change brings us.

I am happy to say: Mike and Karen, after a nine year adventure in Mexico are now back in the States living and loving out loud in Colorado. And most of all, looking forward to what is next.

We are too.